hello, i'm eugene or gavriil(gabriel). this is my webpage that is made with my own hands...and other small code snippets from across the web i frankenstein'd. i don't know when exactly i've discovered neocities, but i remember my first attempts at making my own webpage specifically for neocities somewhere in...spring of 2023. account i used back then is now lost and the website is probably deleted since i can't find it using the link i've remembered perfectly. anyway, i suddenly came back to neocities and code practicing in the end of 2023 - beginning of 2024, and imo i have been making great progress since!!

the reason behind my interest in website coding is preserving the individuality and special meaning that personal webpages had 10-20 years ago. being a creator in the era of tons of centralized social platforms is rather overwhelming, especially for little broken narcissistic pricks like me, who heavily rely on numbers and feed their ego by gaining attention from strangers' approval online. changing the focus on creating a little corner of the internet specifically for ME helps to deal with self-esteem issues that have been only growing bigger and stronger for years.

yeah. there are no likes, no reposts/retweets/reblogs, but maybe...some stranger online might come across this website and think "yeah, this is a cool thing" and i'd be grateful for it.

NOTE: this website is heavily work in progress! im still experimenting with things and trying out various perks and techniques.

maybe later...not in the mood to tell a lot ;)

atm i can only tell that i come from eastern europe, im 17, trans (my identity is still..'shaky' but atm i identify as transmasc, genderfluid & genderfaun..?), they/he/it and several neopronouns, i use names eugene and gavriil both irl and online, but my art alias is tobaxxo888888, HEAVILY inspired by this amazing guy, but when i upload music somewhere i try to use other aliases in order to avoid direct copying.

i associate myself with a mouse due to a strong connection with the game transformice that i used to play a lot in my childhood.

i've been drawing since i could ever hold a pencil, as my mother once said. but i found digital art when i got a restriction-free internet access and discovered speedpaints on youtube. i didn't understand what exactly was happening but holy shit i was mesmerized by the process!!!

then in 2014 when i was 8 i found out about paint tool sai which was a really popular software standard back then. i somehow downloaded it and, not knowing about layers at all, would draw everything on one, thinking that's how it works for everyone. later on i watched some yt tutorial and learned about vectors in SAI and i would use them to draw ugly looking things and trace others' work not knowing it's a bad thing.

on christmas 2016/upcoming new year of 2017 i asked my parents to get a pentablet and I got 'One by Wacom' and this is technically when my path of an online digital artist began. i found out what adoptables were along with terms like 'art trade', 'commission', etc. me and my friend (who i still talk to to this day!!!) created a VK page where we'd post our art. in 2018 i decided to make my own page and tried posting on other platforms like tumblr, deviantart, amino (yikes!!!) and twitter.

what i've been up to in 2019-2021 as an artist will stay as a little secret because as a puberty-induced high drive emotional teen i've done bunch of stupid embarassing things online that i don't want to talk about ^_^ but it was my PEAK since i had a hyperfixation on a certain topic that made me create about 400+ pieces of digital art in span of 3 years.

currently i dont draw that much like i used to, so technically im in a long-term artblock.

music has been a main part of my life too. so much i wasn't able to exist without it, id'say. i've been into EDM most of my life, starting with skrillex, mlp remixes on youtube and artists like shawn wasabi (marble soda was literally a groundbreaker for me), cash cash, virtual riot, etc. when i was waaaayyyy younger.

my first attempt at making music was in 2018 when i thought that if i'd learn more than 1 - 2 hobbies that would make me instantly cool. i pirated fl studio, watched just one tutorial, made a really really crappy song that could be classified as.. 'experimental psychedelic trans ambient' and barely opened it again. then deleted it. i had couple attempts of coming back to making music again in span of couple years but, well, back then i had already forgot how to use the software and i couldn't even watch tutorials because they'd annoy the shit out of me. there was no proper reason or inspiration for me to make music again back then anyway, when i'm thinking about this now...

then...2019 happened. penis music. never ever i thought this would once lead me to where i'm today. it all went like that: "oh, some meme song. funny shit. wait no it sounds good actually??? these weird electronic sounds itch my brain!!! let me research..oh there's a whole album!!! wait.......it sounds FCUKING AMAZING WHAT??? jackal queenston must be a nice guy. wait. it's one of so called 'aliases' of one person? ok. wtf is lapfox. ohhh so it's a project lead by one person full of furry characters..i think i heard couple of stuff from it before. oh it has a 15+ years of history...that is so fucking cool i wish i could make same thing too..." i wasn't into lapfox/halleylabs so much then, just really impressed, but i rediscovered it with TQBF in 2021 thinking "man i wish there was more of things like these..."

NOTE: i wasn't aware of controversy behind lapfox until i did a more in-depth research in 2022, i want to clarify that i strongly DO NOT support/defend any of Em's past actions. the last paragraph simply describes my experience of interacting with their music.

in 2022 i made a discovery that the existence of lapfox probably spawned a whole micro niche community of furry musicians. gynx, mailpup, koda, BRN1NG BRA1N SOUND INDUSTRIES netlabel. jesus there was so many that finally made me realize...if they can make funky tunes like that...i can try and do it too? yes that was it. that was my final point and somewhere in february of 2023, couple of hours away from my home in my family's country house i downloaded fl studio. again. and haven't deleted since.

this time, instead of just trying something once and abandoning it afterwards, i tried to practice more frequently...but due to my executive dysfunction and still ongoing depressive episode it was hard to build a habit of practicing at least 1-2 times a week. so i was opening fl about twice a month just to play, poke the piano roll, push random buttons and then leave. but what's interesting is that messing around in fl made me more entertained than making art.

only recently i started noticing progress i've made so far. yes it's really really slow since i don't practice that much, yes i still make boring garbage, yes i still don't know how can i start, continue or even finish a certain melody i've made but damn...it started to sound much better than i started in 2023, actually. and it keeps me going.